i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

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Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

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If people knew what I am really thinking about while they are talking to me... YIKES!

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When you're chatting with a friend while you're walking around and not really paying attention then you turn around to took at your friend and you realise you've been talking to someone you don't even know the entire time.

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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Wondering what would happen if you did something super random or inappropriate in a group setting. :)

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Sitting down in the shower

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.