I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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I don't read the terms of service.

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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I have to stop the Microwave on 0 but before it beeps or I'm not going to get what I want in life. OCD MUCH

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Kill Jb without getting aressted.

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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sometimes i poop in my pants and like the smell of my poop. Smells like whatever i just ate.

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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Eating chicken at KFC.

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.