It takes me a whole afternoon to write an important/professional email cause i keep thinking about what I should and should not write and it gets so stupidly difficult I take one hour breaks between every sentence.

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Whenever someone enters a pin number I always try to see how many number I can remember

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use tweezers to pull out leg hair or armpit hair out of sheer boredom.

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

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Say something in my head, but then wonder if i said it out loud and just didn't realize.

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whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

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I chew my ice cream.

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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I save my files as "askjaskjaks" because I'm too lazy to give them a proper name.

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I pee on the bathroom sink everytime, because I am lazy to open the toilet, even when I visit other people, sorry friends and family =)

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hover over public toilets and end up leaving a sprinkling of pee that lands uniformly all over on the seat then use a big wad of TP and my foot to wipe down the seat.

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When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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Always cover yourself in the bathroom mirror at home because you have this strange feeling that people at school are all watching you through your mirror~pls tell me im not the only one who ever feels this~oh well

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Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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Watch 30 seconds of a commercial break only to realize it's dvr'd and I could be fast forwarding it.

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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fap

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.