Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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If i read or see something good (on tv )the next time i daydream i am always some how involved in it

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Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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I used to eat bath bubbles

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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Look in the fridge 10 times without eating anything

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

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I ship Bolin and Korra as a romance and a bromance. Am I weird for doing this?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.