Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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Thinking about a situation someone else in the world might be in. For example, Someone dying and the pain they must be going through.

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Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

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I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

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Lightly touching your stomach or other body parts with your fingers to get that tickling sensation.

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

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Feel bad about hurting someone a long time ago, when I was a child, and wish I could speak to that person and say "I'm sorry." Cringe whenever the thought of the incident rises.

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

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have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

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try to make myself sneeze because I like the feeling I get when I do

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Get scared of the dark while in bed, so you make sure all limbs are tucked nice and tight under the covers. Once done, you now feel safe..

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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when you've done everything you wanted to do on the internet and stop and just stare at the screen.

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.