I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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Put the towel near the shower so that you can stand on it and not get the floor wet

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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when you pick up something you think is going to be heavy and its like you suddenly have super strength

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.