I say random stuff when I wake up. Just to make sure my voice is still working.

Meet a really cool girl imagine the rest of my life with her.

only read the short jokes on this website

when u get something right and do a victory dance and the person to u is just like "da hell?"

Think to myself "If I would have stuck to my diet I would be at my goal weight by now"

Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

I sometimes wonder what my past self would do differently if it knew what would be going on now

I chuckle whenever I hear the phase "Stark raving mad." I don't know why.

One time I went to my old primary school and while I was there I needed the toilet. So I go use the schools and was shocked at how small everything was I guess because I haven't been there in a while

in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

I get more creeped out the more I read the comments here, especially as the comments start getting really low thumbs ups.

when someone says something like 'it's too late' i always start singing 'to apologizeeeeee' even though i think people are annoyed of me always singing along to their sentences and changing the meaning, but i just cannot stop it

Normally I can do a specific task no problem but when someone is watching and I know that they are watching I screw up.

Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

Masturbate while waiting for a game to load.

Apologizing to things when I drop them and feeling stupid afterwards

I wonder if old women enjoy sex?

Get annoyed when I'm working on something and someone who's looking at funny pictures wants to show me every single one. Then I do the same thing when I'm looking at funny pictures.

When approaching a stoplight, I evaluate the vehicles in front of me to determine which ones I think will take off faster so I can get behind them.

When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

Walk into a public bathroom and go to the urinal, but then stop and think theres some guy who will perv on you and then go in the cubicle.

strt thinking about something spinning, then cant stop no matter how hard you try.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.