jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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Picking my nose.

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getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

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I ship Bolin and Korra as a romance and a bromance. Am I weird for doing this?

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Lightly touching your stomach or other body parts with your fingers to get that tickling sensation.

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Tells a joke only you thought was funny and still laughs then laughs harder because your the only one laughing nikki

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.