When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

thumb_up thumb_down -70

I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Tap my fingers really rapidly when I'm annoyed, stressed out, fed up or angry.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

thumb_up thumb_down -76

Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

thumb_up thumb_down -102

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

thumb_up thumb_down -108

When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

thumb_up thumb_down -112

when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

thumb_up thumb_down -122

Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

thumb_up thumb_down +65

The older I get the more honest I get

thumb_up thumb_down +61

Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

thumb_up thumb_down +33

accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

thumb_up thumb_down +23

sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

thumb_up thumb_down +19

right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

thumb_up thumb_down +17

I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.