When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

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When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

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make south park refferences every day

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

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I never take drinks into smelly places, out of fear that the smell will somehow get into my drink and contaminate the taste.

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Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.