When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

make south park refferences every day

All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

I was not born in the country I am living in now

Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

Run faster down hotel corridors.

After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

I never take drinks into smelly places, out of fear that the smell will somehow get into my drink and contaminate the taste.

Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.