I cant ride a bike

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in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

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Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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Have to have a certain light in the bathroom to poop. Also, nobody can be anywhere near me.

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

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I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.