If I'm at work and have to poop, when I get in the stall I look under the opening at the bottom for any other feet in the other stalls to make sure I am alone. I always think what if when I do that someone else does it at the same time.

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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watch lesbian porn instead of normal because you hate have other men in the picture

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cussing someone out on a video game only to realize that your mic is off

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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When you start wondering if you're in a dream and suddenly feel trapped

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

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Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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Rub a pen tip between my fingers.

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Learning a definition of a word and after that seeing it everywhere.

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Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

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Wanting to change your name to Peter Jankins

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Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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if your listening to music, move the volume up and down to experience the bass a lil better

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.