Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

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Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

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I cant ride a bike

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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I eat something and read book/newspaper/magazine at the same time. Then i take food crumbs off the book and eat them too.

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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use tweezers to pull out leg hair or armpit hair out of sheer boredom.

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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Smoking in the shower.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.