Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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When you are in a car and a sad song comes on look out the window and pretend you are in a movie.

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

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while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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Sitting down in the shower

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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eat curry and don't complain about its spiciness ...if you're not white

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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Watched the woman in black then go to bed then suddenly a woman in black comes in my room oh wait it is just my mum saying good night

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.