I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

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try to make myself sneeze because I like the feeling I get when I do

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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I pee on the bathroom sink everytime, because I am lazy to open the toilet, even when I visit other people, sorry friends and family =)

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when you've done everything you wanted to do on the internet and stop and just stare at the screen.

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When someone close to me sadly passes on and later when I am listening to the radio if I hear a song that sounds suitable to that moment I kind of make that our song if that makes sense to any of you

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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Be a loner at school

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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I always have to remake my bed right before going to sleep in it

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get a new *to you* car, and suddenly every other car on the road is the same make/ model..... hey look! an outback!

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.