Sleep with pillow between legs

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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Save more than once on your favourite game.

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You or someone you know has a secret crush/liking but the always shout it to the world. My sister does that.(It's why I ask)

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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Smoking in the shower.

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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Think that some minutes feel shorter than others

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I scratch and sniff.

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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I refuse to take dump with the shower curtain closed. I know someone's behind it...

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.