having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

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Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

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get happy as sh*t when you remember your homework is do after your lunch period so you can do it then, but never end up doing it.

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

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I probably am the only one who does this but I climb on my cat's cat tree to see what it's like to be a cat o.o

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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Make calculations with house number. Eg: House nº 112 means house nº 4

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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Use a signature that automatically gets me hundreds of red thumbs... Yeah that moral crap...

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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Close all the windows on my computer when parents walk in.

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Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

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When I'm home alone, I start hearing random noises and think someone is breaking in.

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.