When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

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Drum on the chair between your legs and wonder if people think that you're playing with yourself.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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I think Frozen is an overrated film

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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I Masturbate Daily.

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Believing in the kindness of strangers

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.