Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

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Think that the person driving keeps staring at me when ever they look in the mirror and I'm sat in the back.

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it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

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Mayada stupid

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Think that some minutes feel shorter than others

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get really freaked out when your in a parking lot and the car next to you starts backing up and you think your moving forward.

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A lot of times I believe things I see or things that happen are "signs" of something.

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

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Pull your headphones away from your ear when you're listening to music to see if it's too loud.

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

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When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

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Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.