masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

Think that the person driving keeps staring at me when ever they look in the mirror and I'm sat in the back.

While I Am on the computer late at night, my Mum tells me to go to bed, I say I will in a second. I stay for a few more minutes, my mum tells me again, I do the same thing...

When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

try to make myself sneeze because I like the feeling I get when I do

When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

I have a band in my head that performs for me every time I listen to music.

Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.