whenever someone pulls up beside you in another car, you are fully aware of them, but never look at them, your too cool to care what they look like.

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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Being fat

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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k. everyone

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.