- Things You Think Only You Do

After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

When I'm drinking something, I slosh the glass back and forth a long with my head to try and get what I'm drinking into my mouth.

eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

When people are walking behind me I automatically think they are staring at my ass and get self-conscious.

Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

You feel compelled to stab someone in the face... But you don't since you know its wrong. Instead you play violent video games to get it off your mind.

Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.