Use the toilet shower to wipe your a**, but denies the fact until death for your friends.

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when passing someone in a car beside you, you try to wonder where they are going just by looking at them, their clothes or their expressions

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

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I have memorized my drivers license registration number

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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Inspect the shower, bath or toilet, then washing it until you believe it is suitable to use.

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I like to turn the lights off in the bathroom, actually block every little bit of light I possibly can, then take a nice warm shower, curl up on the floor, block my ears and enjoy the warm water and sensory deprivation.

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

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I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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I **** with no hands.

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.