Use the toilet shower to wipe your a**, but denies the fact until death for your friends.

when passing someone in a car beside you, you try to wonder where they are going just by looking at them, their clothes or their expressions

(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

I have memorized my drivers license registration number

I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

Inspect the shower, bath or toilet, then washing it until you believe it is suitable to use.

I like to turn the lights off in the bathroom, actually block every little bit of light I possibly can, then take a nice warm shower, curl up on the floor, block my ears and enjoy the warm water and sensory deprivation.

Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

I **** with no hands.

Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.