Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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Tap my fingers really rapidly when I'm annoyed, stressed out, fed up or angry.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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Leave the fan on at night just in case you feel to warm.

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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Think that the person driving keeps staring at me when ever they look in the mirror and I'm sat in the back.

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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Seeing an acquaintance who you would feel awkward talking to in a public place, knowing they see you as well, and pretending not to see them, while hoping they pretend not to see you as well.

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.