- Things You Think Only You Do

pretend your on the phone talking to someone to make you look like you not a loner

I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

k. everyone

When I'm listening to a sad song that relates to my life while I'm walking all alone, I mouth the words and pretend I'm in a music video.

Mostly make fun of my best friends but never make fun of just regular friends

When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.