That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

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in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

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I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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If my SOLVE media is too long I refresh it to give me a shorter one

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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recycle the peanuts in my poop to make organic peanut butter

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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Eat everything inside my burgers first then i eat the buns.

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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Rubbing the corners of your lips on the side of your hand and smelling it.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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You feel like someone can read your mind so you try not to think about stupid stuff.

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fap

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Show all your friends this website to prove your not as strange as they think you are.

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Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.