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make sure you hit every crack in the sidewalk evenly. slowly over time, you discover that you found an awkward walking pace to match the obsession.

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I always have to remake my bed right before going to sleep in it

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I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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I put the volume on my television so it is on any number divisible by five (5-10-15 etc. etc.)

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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Taking the time to lick all of the cream off of the inside of an Oreo.

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Pulling the same faces as the character you are reading currently is.

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I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

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Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

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see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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Going to sleep during class thinking that you've written down all your notes, until you wake up and realize you did nothing.

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blink

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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Hoping if I fall asleep on the couch while my family is in the room I dont have a dream about sex and wake up moaning and groaning...

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I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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has a plastic bag full of plastic bags in your house

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.