looking at the last page of thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com to see how weird some people are...

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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Wipe the salt off your hand on your right pant leg after eating salty fries from fast food restaurants.

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when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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I hit the frig after sex

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Seeing an acquaintance who you would feel awkward talking to in a public place, knowing they see you as well, and pretending not to see them, while hoping they pretend not to see you as well.

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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I randomly hold my boobs in my room.

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Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

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When playing a game you refer to the kid you don't know as "kid" - ar2

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When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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when i have a head or toothache...i hit it harder thinking it will stop or get better

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.