- Things You Think Only You Do

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

Thinking about life as if its just a dream and wondeing if one day your just going to wake up and be like " wtf just happend".....

Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

When i think about something hilarious that happened previously and laugh about it days later at the most innappropriate time.

Picking my nose.

send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

I can't piss with my shoes on.

I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.