Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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when you've done everything you wanted to do on the internet and stop and just stare at the screen.

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

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Poking my self under the covers just to not falleth asleepeth (t -_-)zzzzzz

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play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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Whenever I go to close the door to my room, I give the wall opposite me a hard, intimidating stare just in case an invisible person was watching me.

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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get a new *to you* car, and suddenly every other car on the road is the same make/ model..... hey look! an outback!

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

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Mouth words to people wearing headphones to try and get them to take them off.

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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If i read or see something good (on tv )the next time i daydream i am always some how involved in it

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Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

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When I'm home alone at night I check around the corners to make sure there isn't anyone there

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When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.