Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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I get more creeped out the more I read the comments here, especially as the comments start getting really low thumbs ups.

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When I see a post on this site with a single downvote I start to feel guilty and give the person an upvote because I feel sorry for them.

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Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

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When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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Learning a definition of a word and after that seeing it everywhere.

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Constantly looking up at a Facebook tab while on another tab to see if you have any notifications or messages.

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Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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When ever i hear music that i like i imagine im in a fight and i know martial arts with people i dont know

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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I read the down voted posts

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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The volume level on my TV has to be either an even number or a multiple of five.

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I probably am the only one who does this but I climb on my cat's cat tree to see what it's like to be a cat o.o

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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I think of who will I save if a killer come to school

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.