Wanting to change your name to Peter Jankins

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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if your listening to music, move the volume up and down to experience the bass a lil better

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Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

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Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

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I spin around in a spot, and then close my eyes and tilt my head up and to the opposite side i'm spinning to. It just feels awesome and it's even better while listening to music.

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

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Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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only read the short jokes on this website

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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When in class , I move alot in my chair when my butt itches .

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.