When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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Make up a song to yourself.

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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feel like your calculator is judging/making fun of you for looking up simple equations

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Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

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Have to have a certain light in the bathroom to poop. Also, nobody can be anywhere near me.

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Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

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Think that some minutes feel shorter than others

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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right click refresh on desktop. Repeat

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When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

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never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

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Feeling sorry for inanimate objects

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When someone close to me sadly passes on and later when I am listening to the radio if I hear a song that sounds suitable to that moment I kind of make that our song if that makes sense to any of you

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I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.