Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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when passing someone in a car beside you, you try to wonder where they are going just by looking at them, their clothes or their expressions

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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If people knew what I am really thinking about while they are talking to me... YIKES!

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.