Thinking your life is a movie...

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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I **** with no hands.

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when you're walking down the streets and you listen to your iPod, you pretend you're part of the music video for that song and when no ones looking, lip sync to the lyrics, as if the camera man's filming you >.

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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Lightly touching your stomach or other body parts with your fingers to get that tickling sensation.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.