acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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I cant ride a bike

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Whenever you make cereal, you eat exactly where you make it like on the table.

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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When in class , I move alot in my chair when my butt itches .

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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The power to put a pointless super power on thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

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If people knew what I am really thinking about while they are talking to me... YIKES!

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see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.