When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

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When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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Sleep with pillow between legs

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Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

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When sitting or laying down, tell yourself to get up in your head but see how long your body can resist your commands, and end up yelling at yourself to move in your head while still sitting/laying down.

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

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When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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Imagine flying things and epic battles when listening to music.

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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Being in the car and wondering if your parents can read your mind so you think "If you can here me cough in 3, 2, 1..." Sometimes my dad actually does it and he looks back at me and smiles. .-.

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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Rub a pen tip between my fingers.

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When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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I cover the mirror on my bedroom door with a sheet at night, because I think the shadows casted in the mirror are gonna get me.

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I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.