When I dont feel like sweeping I sweep the stuff under the fridge or something

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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When I'm home alone at night I check around the corners to make sure there isn't anyone there

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Everytime my sibling starts a sentance with "I remember when","I have an idea"etc.,I get up and walk out.

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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I cant ride a bike

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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Not vote up my own posts? I bet I'm among the few..

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Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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Realizing that I can just yell out the word "Fuck!" and no one can stop me.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.