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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

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I **** with no hands.

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IM 13 years old when i touch something i have a feeling and wont let me do anything until i touch it again or 4 times or sometimes even 16 times i cant live like this its weird!!!!

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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Tells a joke only you thought was funny and still laughs then laughs harder because your the only one laughing nikki

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Lightly touching your stomach or other body parts with your fingers to get that tickling sensation.

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When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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Feeling sorry for objects to throw away!! Haha anyone els?

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have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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Put the towel near the shower so that you can stand on it and not get the floor wet

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.