Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

Find myself thinking a completely random meaningless sentence as I'm falling asleep with no idea how I got to that thought.

Whenever I got hurt I used to just run like that would stop the pain

When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

Smoking in the shower.

in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

No ones home. Go to youtube and do karaoke. Can the neighbors here me? Guess im not talking to them ever again...

Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.