Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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Say "Up and Down" for "Left or Right"

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

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When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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I ship Bolin and Korra as a romance and a bromance. Am I weird for doing this?

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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read on youtube comments with too unlikes

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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IM 13 years old when i touch something i have a feeling and wont let me do anything until i touch it again or 4 times or sometimes even 16 times i cant live like this its weird!!!!

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.