Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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Sometimes hold a piece of chocolate between your fingers until it melts then lick the yummy gooeyness off your fingers

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I don't use my car air conditioning because I think it's wasteful and it might "run-out" when I'm REALLY, REALLY hot.

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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If my SOLVE media is too long I refresh it to give me a shorter one

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.