only read the short jokes on this website

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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If my SOLVE media is too long I refresh it to give me a shorter one

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Love feet. like LOVE feet.

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.