At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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Love feet. like LOVE feet.

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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eat curry and don't complain about its spiciness ...if you're not white

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Play my music so low in public that I can hardly hear it in my headphones for fear of others being able to hear what I'm listening to.

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.