Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

I don't use my car air conditioning because I think it's wasteful and it might "run-out" when I'm REALLY, REALLY hot.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

I chuckle whenever I hear the phase "Stark raving mad." I don't know why.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

I thought the 2013 film Frozen could have gone longer

thumb_up thumb_down -27

sometimes I can be really tired but when I go to bed I lie there for hours awake

thumb_up thumb_down -27

The volume level on my TV has to be either an even number or a multiple of five.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

If i read or see something good (on tv )the next time i daydream i am always some how involved in it

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

I used to eat bath bubbles

thumb_up thumb_down -29

For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

thumb_up thumb_down -37

judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Look in the fridge 10 times without eating anything

thumb_up thumb_down -39

When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

thumb_up thumb_down -41

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

thumb_up thumb_down -43

When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.