I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

thumb_up thumb_down -106

I like to watch lava lamps heat up

thumb_up thumb_down -124

If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

When posting these, I'm rarely able to read the words/letters in the box that prove you're human and not some computer virus. Now I'm starting to think I'm not a human......

thumb_up thumb_down +39

.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

check to see if post has any likes right after posting it. then have second thoughts about it.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

make it a point of interest to know every word to a song that nobody likes. (i.e. call me maybe) >.>

thumb_up thumb_down +21

when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

If I'm at work and have to poop, when I get in the stall I look under the opening at the bottom for any other feet in the other stalls to make sure I am alone. I always think what if when I do that someone else does it at the same time.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Never eat curry before school otherwise you will have a massive poo

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I chew my ice cream.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

thumb_up thumb_down +5

When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Think that some minutes feel shorter than others

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <<

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Put the towel near the shower so that you can stand on it and not get the floor wet

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I pee on the bathroom sink everytime, because I am lazy to open the toilet, even when I visit other people, sorry friends and family =)

thumb_up thumb_down -9

When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Look into your neighbor's house and halucinate someone watching back

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Try to time the traffic light so that when I snap, my light turns green. Always so so close.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Toss something across the room toward the place it belongs, get excited when it lands upright/ perfectly in place, then immediately regret you weren't recording it.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.