Feels my beard with my tongue.

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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when I go shopping I go in the store, get what I need and then I leave I don't browse.

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when making thing only you think you do you never read the terms of service

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Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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I read the down voted posts

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while I am sitting on the toilet I play with it and waste the toilet paper and of course i just keep flushing it

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If I see the same model of vehicle as mine in a parking lot, I get overly excited if I manage to get a parking spot next to it. Extra points for same color or type (i.e. quad cab vs regular cab).

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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I have won so many competitions online for things like being the 99, 999th visitor on the site

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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I like to think I'm a Lion or cat.

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turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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I eat something and read book/newspaper/magazine at the same time. Then i take food crumbs off the book and eat them too.

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.