Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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Think that my ice tastes different than my water.

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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get really paranoid when you're in a shop's changing room and try and make sure the curtain is fully closed so nobody can see in

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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Emmy Jackson Y U ALWAYS ANGRY WHEN SOMEONE SAY HI

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I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

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I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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When I meet someone random, and have a small conversation, and then when they leave, I feel sad because I think I am never going to see them again.

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.