eat curry and don't complain about its spiciness ...if you're not white

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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Watched the woman in black then go to bed then suddenly a woman in black comes in my room oh wait it is just my mum saying good night

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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When you lie in bed and imagine scenarios that will never happen.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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When you look at the sidewalk and try to step on the boxes instead of the lines, and feel like you need to do it a number of times per leg to make it even.

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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I don't care about who a celebrity dates or marries. Why should I?

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Pretend to listen to music, but just do it so nobody talks to me or i simply just ignore them.

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

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I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

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When you start wondering if you're in a dream and suddenly feel trapped

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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In the shower i let water run down my hands so it looks like i'm shooting water out of my fingers.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.