I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

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Taking the time to lick all of the cream off of the inside of an Oreo.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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When in class , I move alot in my chair when my butt itches .

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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Picking my nose.

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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Become self-conscious and wonder if you were making faces while day dreaming during the middle of class.

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While at the movies, grab and eat your popcorn with your tongue and pretend you are a lizard.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.