Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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A lot of times I believe things I see or things that happen are "signs" of something.

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Half of these posts are all but "things you think only you do". So is mine

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Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

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When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

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I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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I don't know about anyone else but I really felt bad when the Lich killed Prismo in Adventure Time

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

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Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.