I pretend that my pillow is the love of my life and kiss it and cuddle it before bed.

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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I hate when my mom hangs my underwear on the clothesline outside.

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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when you're walking down the streets and you listen to your iPod, you pretend you're part of the music video for that song and when no ones looking, lip sync to the lyrics, as if the camera man's filming you >.

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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When your talking to a hot girl and then picture her naked with you in bed but then stop thinking about that because you think she can read your mind

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touching something (like a crack in a wall) and then thinking to yourself that your the only person thats ever touched it..

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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Make sure I put the deodorant top back on the correct way -- you know, so the sticker is to the front.

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

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Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

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I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

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I probably am the only one who does this but I climb on my cat's cat tree to see what it's like to be a cat o.o

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.