When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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I never take drinks into smelly places, out of fear that the smell will somehow get into my drink and contaminate the taste.

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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always get sports injuries, never get any attention from them

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I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

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Go to bed with my left nostril clogged, wake up with my right nostril clogged.

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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Taking your headphones/earbuds off a lot to see if your music is playing loudly. Or to see if other people could possibly hear it

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Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

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When texting someone on the toilet & they ask, "What are you doing?" I respond with, "Oh, just chillin." LOL. -Jade

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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only read the short jokes on this website

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.