Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Try to stop a stopwatch exactly on 1 second with no extra milliseconds

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

thumb_up thumb_down -18

shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Whenever you make cereal, you eat exactly where you make it like on the table.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Does anyone else's mouse hand get colder then their other hand when they're on the computer?

thumb_up thumb_down -36

I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

thumb_up thumb_down -58

When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

stare at someone then when they turn around look all around the room pretending you weren't looking at them

thumb_up thumb_down -76

Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

thumb_up thumb_down -86

(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

thumb_up thumb_down -88

Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

thumb_up thumb_down -92

Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

thumb_up thumb_down -126

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.