strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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Save more than once on your favourite game.

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Sleep with pillow between legs

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Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

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try to get abs by doing the stupidest things

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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get really freaked out when your in a parking lot and the car next to you starts backing up and you think your moving forward.

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When in shower, I turn the heat to max for a few minutes to warm up the whole bathroom.

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I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

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Smelling food to see if its spicy.

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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When you are taking a test or anywhere , you remember something funny and you laugh randomly looking like a dumbass then pretend to cough.

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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I always have to remake my bed right before going to sleep in it

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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I Think people can read my mind....."if you can read my mind nod your head or don't if you don't want me to know that you can" It doesn't work either way but yeah thats just me lol

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.