For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When i go into a public toilet and one of the cubical doors is slightly shut, I will be really quiet or slightly push the door to see if anyone is in there.

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

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Log onto facebook, notice a family member is also logged on, and immediately log off before they trap you in a never-ending facebook chat.

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Feeling self conscious about breathing to loudly

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Sometimes when I'm excitedly hurrying out of the house, I skip for a brief moment.

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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When ever i hear music that i like i imagine im in a fight and i know martial arts with people i dont know

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Eat the last bowl of ice cream. Then 6 hours later, you wish you hadn't. (sometimes even open the fridge and check whether you actually ate it or not)

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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I refuse to take dump with the shower curtain closed. I know someone's behind it...

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Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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as soon as i put some mint gum in my mouth, i sneeze countless times.

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.