When I dry my hair after showering I put a towel on my head and look at the mirror pretending I am a mighty naked sheik.

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I fill my bathtub up with marinara and then sit curled up in it and pretend that I am a meatball.

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Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

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When reading a book where the main character has the same name as someone I know, I visualize that character in my head as that person.

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Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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Get to lazy to stand up in the shower so I sit down in the shower

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Unable to be near my cat without petting her or talking to her.

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Eating chicken at KFC.

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Every time you use a vending machine you hope you get lucky and 2 things drop down.

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I use the internet to validate that weirdness is not actually weird at all.

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I hold in my shit only because i am soo occupied with my current task.

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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When I see a 20th Century Fox movie, I always sing the intro.

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when you pick up something you think is going to be heavy and its like you suddenly have super strength

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Say "Up and Down" for "Left or Right"

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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Sometimes there is a hair in my butt and then I pull it slowly out. And it feels funny.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.