Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

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wipe all the water off my body (predrying myself) before i get out of the shower, and dry myself with the towel

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play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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When I use the bathroom at school, I keep the door open with the kickstand and use the stall. It's because I fear that one day, when I'm all alone in the bathroom with the door closed, the fire alarm will go off and scare the living crap out of me. This trick backfires when someone comes in without closing the door and uses the urinal.

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Tear up when I poop

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Try to time the traffic light so that when I snap, my light turns green. Always so so close.

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i can't watch the t.v. unless the volume ends in a 0 or 5

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Feeling self conscious about breathing to loudly

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i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

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I spin around in a spot, and then close my eyes and tilt my head up and to the opposite side i'm spinning to. It just feels awesome and it's even better while listening to music.

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sometimes I can be really tired but when I go to bed I lie there for hours awake

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

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Every time you use a vending machine you hope you get lucky and 2 things drop down.

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Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

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Bored. Open refrigerator. Nothing to eat. Open it again five minutes later.

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Taking the time to lick all of the cream off of the inside of an Oreo.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.