Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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Mouth words to people wearing headphones to try and get them to take them off.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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I hate being called "buddy".

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Touching that door knob three times before opening the door.

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If my SOLVE media is too long I refresh it to give me a shorter one

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doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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Courtesy flush.

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I can only brush my teeth at exactly 7:43 AM...Am I weird?

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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I hum the MLP:FIM theme and hope no one recognizes the tune.

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Walk away in the middle of a sitcom and then play the rest out of the episode in your head while doing something else.

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.