I can't piss with my shoes on.

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When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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I chew around the center of carrots.

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

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I sometimes look at a guy and wonder how big their dick is.

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

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Leave the fan on at night just in case you feel to warm.

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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Whenever I hear someone say a word in a way that I like, I repeat it.

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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wipe all the water off my body (predrying myself) before i get out of the shower, and dry myself with the towel

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play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.