Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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Being fat

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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Sorry I posted last comment 3 times. And it is best ever not beat ever.

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Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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I have to look at myself in multiple mirrors before I leave my apartment. Sometimes if I'm alone, I'll walk back and forth between 2 or 3 mirrors about 25 times before I'm content to leave.

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Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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When you lie in bed and imagine scenarios that will never happen.

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

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I don't care about who a celebrity dates or marries. Why should I?

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try to get abs by doing the stupidest things

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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pretend you have a fishing pole and are reeling in cars to pass them when your in the passengers seat going down the freeway.

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.