When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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dip my fries in ice cream! sometimes in soda. It's good!

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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Pull your headphones away from your ear when you're listening to music to see if it's too loud.

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Random strong urge to squeeze immensely cute pet.

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Sometimes after a long, hard day or when something bad happens I just sit down and cry in the shower.

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my favorite singer is Bles Bridges 22/07/1947-24/03/2000

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fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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I don't care about who a celebrity dates or marries. Why should I?

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Whenever I'm chewing on gum that has lost its flavor, I extract the gum from my mouth using my fingers before putting it back in so the flavor would return.

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get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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watch lesbian porn instead of normal because you hate have other men in the picture

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.