when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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Use a signature that automatically gets me hundreds of red thumbs... Yeah that moral crap...

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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When a tooth is very loose,i shake it with my tongue because that pain is relaxing.

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I thought I was disgusting until I read the top voted things here. Floral: Actually pretty neat.

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Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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I always walk down the hall James Bond style. Gun out, along the wall, looking around corners before I walk into or by a room.

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

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I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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Whenever I hear someone say a word in a way that I like, I repeat it.

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Pretend to listen to music, but just do it so nobody talks to me or i simply just ignore them.

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Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

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When receiving instructions from people one on one, whether it's a man or a woman, I wonder what they would do if I kissed them while they are talking.

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Lay in bed , and think what i could of said while i was talking to my crush or what could of happen.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.