I speak dialogues at home to myself that I could possibly have with people in hypothetical situations. Km

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I look behind me and out of my window every 10 minutes while I'm sitting at my desk because I'm scared something's gonna be there.

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Remove all the stupid gobbldegook words that the captchas from this site add to my predictive text.

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When I'm laying in bed and I feel my heartbeat, I turn around so I can't feel it because it makes me feel sick.

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I never even met you! Why do you care who I'm talking to?

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Think it's awesome when I look at a clock and it reads the same numbers that my address starts with.

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When you had a crush on a girl in elementary school, then don't see her in middle school and think of how much of a bitch she was. Then You start crushing on her again in high school.

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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When looking at a digital clock that counts down to seconds, I wait until the seconds are an even number, then I try to say each number in order twice before it changes.

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When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

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Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

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I no longer trust any of my local news because they appear to have an agenda

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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imagine a bunch of girls are watching you at home, so you don't look like a dumbass

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

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eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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Pretend animals talk to you!

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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i noticed that a lot of people pronounce "LOL" like roll. Am i the only one that reads it as L. O. L. (el oh el) ????

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.