suck my own penis

thumb_up thumb_down -12

I say my first name every night before I go to sleep because I want it to be the last thing I say before I die.

thumb_up thumb_down -177

When I'm about to go to the bathroom, I think of a million things that I have to do and try to do them all before I pee my pants.

thumb_up thumb_down +166

If there's leaves on the ground and the wind picks it up and makes like swirls I put my arms out to make it seem I'm controlling the swirls.

thumb_up thumb_down +78

I can't brush my teeth and rinse in the sink right after I flush the toilet, for fear of it being connected somehow, and rinsing with my own piss.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

i cant fall asleep unless i suck my thumb...

thumb_up thumb_down -41

I act as though I've had movie cameras placed in my eyes and a bunch of people will watch my life as a movie at some point. And so I do a narration voice for them.

thumb_up thumb_down +156

When I'm in a car holding a handheld device (iPod, Cell Phone, etc.) I have a feeling I will randomly throw it out the open window. I would never do this, but I'm still afraid I might.

thumb_up thumb_down +153

Every time i take a drink from a cup, i rotate the cup so i never drink from the same place.

thumb_up thumb_down +150

Dramatically narrate everything I do in my head as I do it.

thumb_up thumb_down +110

I light my pubes on fire instead of shaving them because they aren't as itchy that way.

thumb_up thumb_down -118

Every time I see my self in a mirror, I feel like I'm watching someone in a different dimension and make quick movements to see if they mess up.

thumb_up thumb_down +152

Rapidly click the mouse when your computer is frozen, even though you know it won't do anything to help whatsoever.

thumb_up thumb_down +191

When I say, "What?" after understanding exactly what someone said.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

mentally scolding yourself for thinking something dirty just in case the person you're thinking about can read your thoughts

thumb_up thumb_down +138

Sometimes I imagine how everyone would react if I died.

thumb_up thumb_down +133

Always fantasize about grabbing a cop's gun from his holster. Just because I am pretty sure I could.

thumb_up thumb_down +159

I have always belived that I invented calling Target " Tar- jhay"

thumb_up thumb_down +127

Wonder why there are sites like this.

thumb_up thumb_down +65

When using the bathroom count the tiles on the floor or shower wall or read a shampoo bottle.

thumb_up thumb_down +136

Eat pizza backwards because the crust isn't as good as the cheese part and I want to get that over with.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

Math tests-doing all the work for a problem only to find out my answer is not any of the multiple choices.

thumb_up thumb_down +147

In my head, my life is some kind of on-going documentary about my life. Sometimes when I'm alone, I conduct interviews.

thumb_up thumb_down +119

Sit down in a grass field... immediately start pulling up grass.

thumb_up thumb_down +101

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.