when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

thumb_up thumb_down -22

When at someone else's house, trying to use the bathroom, keep a very close eye on the door just to make sure nobody's gonna walk in on you...

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

I look behind me and out of my window every 10 minutes while I'm sitting at my desk because I'm scared something's gonna be there.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

When people are walking behind me I automatically think they are staring at my ass and get self-conscious.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Link gross things with porn i.e: Think of really gross things (or friends or family) when fapping to really hot stuff ( the porn becomes ruined)

thumb_up thumb_down -36

I no longer trust any of my local news because they appear to have an agenda

thumb_up thumb_down -52

I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

thumb_up thumb_down -58

YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

thumb_up thumb_down -62

eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

collect kleenex boxes for the cool designs

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Think that If I leave a big knife out on the counter- or a pair of tights/belt/scarf out in view, I believe that ultimately someone will break in and kill me via the aforementioned items.................and I will only have myself to blame.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

thumb_up thumb_down -84

when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

thumb_up thumb_down -88

Watching movies about couples with age gaps and woundering how it would feel like to be with somebody much older (or younger) than you. Would they use viagra or would you not even try to have sex with someone so old and delicate?

thumb_up thumb_down -98

putting your hand in the water in the back of the toilet and thinking its gross toilet water and get grossed out

thumb_up thumb_down -114

Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

thumb_up thumb_down +39

I always feel as if someone is always watching me on a screen where ever I am, and every person in the world is also being watched as well

thumb_up thumb_down +11

When I go to use my laptop if my cat is sleeping in my chair I would use it somewhere else and leave her alone.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

When I'm home alone, I start hearing random noises and think someone is breaking in.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Drop something down the side of the couch, say that you'll get it in a minute and then forget about it

thumb_up thumb_down -7

When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.