Sometimes if I am by myself at the house or in the car I will act completely insane and absurd. This usually involves me screaming incoherent babble, whole body twitching, making absurd faces and doing this thing where I bite my tongue and shake my head violently. If any normal person saw me they would either think I am having a seizure or currently possessed by Satan.

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I no longer trust any of my local news because they appear to have an agenda

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I tilt my head back and eat grapes pretending like im a greek god

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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I hate when people say for example,if something is $3.99 they say its four dollars.

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When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

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when i listen to music in my earphones, i always pretend its me performing the song to an audience.

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I chew around the center of carrots.

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Text random people saying I'm pregnant

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I sometimes put posts not just of things I do but also of things I know other people do

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Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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When i'm in the front passenger seat, I still move my foot like im the one driving...

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I feel that getting a 98 on a test is better than getting a 99.

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Say "what?" when you know what they said, then answer before they can respond. I do it because it takes me a second to figure out what they said and so my immediate response it "what?".

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When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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I'm a female. Sometimes I pee in the shower just so that I can try to aim my pee at the drain. This way I can imagine what it's like to pee with a doodle.

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i wonder why someone decided to spell words unusually for example why couldn't because be spelt becuz the way it sounds?!

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When you sit down to use the toilet, start, and then realize that the window is open and people can hear you.You then either search for something to mask the sound or proceed to relieve yourself by making as little noise as possible (ultimately failing)

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check shower for murder then pee

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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Fall down the stairs, bounce on your ass to the bottom, feel scared, then want to DO IT AGAIN! Get pwned at a game, rage, look at your cat sitting beside you, looking back, and say "What?"

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If I'm alone, I'll imagine myself as somebody else an start acting as if I'm in a different life, complete with different people and places because in my imagination, I get to control what is going to happen next. Because, my imagination is way better than my reality.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.