Think about all of the germs that are on restroom doors and water taps.

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when you mouth words (but saying them out loud) when someone can't hear you

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imagine shooting lasers out from the car and bouncing them of walls and back to the car

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when I'm lying in bed and I really have to fart, I lift up the blanket, stick my ass out and fart into the night air to keep the stench out of my bed

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

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Everytime I have ear buds in and I hear myself breathing, I think others can hear it too so I slow my breathing or hold my breath.

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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Always run up the stairs as if someone was chasing you.

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I wonder if a blind person knows how colors look?

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Start thinking about my blinking and feel that I am blinking weird

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I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

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I push the door open with my stomach

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Wave my hand at automatic doors just as they open pretending that I have Jedi powers

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Try to use my "Brain Power" to pick up things when I am too lazy to get up and get them.

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

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going to bed at 10:30 pm realize i have to check Facebook go to YouTube randomly watch 2 hours of nothing, then find my self pulling an all nighter cause its 4 am and i got school.

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When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

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Make a day of reading posts from Craiglist's Best-Of.

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After washing butt, turn my butt towards the shower and spread butt cheeks apart to wash the soap out of my crack.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.