Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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My parents are annoying.

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I love the feeling of covering my entire body in Barbisol shaving cream,shaving my cock n balls,then masturbating.have you ever done this?

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Trying to preform oral on yourself.... And failing.

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I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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Going to the very last pages of "Things you think you only do" with the lowest ratings and realizing that they really are the only ones who do that stuff...

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Consume skin around finger nails. Cuticle too.

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Anytime I walk in anyplace with cracks in the ground (tiled floors, cement squares, etc.) I do my best to avoid stepping on cracks in fear of something happening if I do.

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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worry about other people hearing you pee when your in the bathroom.

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Hit the enter key really hard when finishing a long piece of text that you have just written.

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When someone is talking to me and I'm not really listening, when it gets quiet I say 'that's crazy' so they think I'm listening.

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Feeling sorry for inanimate objects

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When I'm alone with my pet, sometimes we just sit down and stare at each each other for a minute or two

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Wherever I drink something, I count how many times I swallow it, and I feel weird if it's not a multiple of 5. I will get more of the drink and drink it, even if I'm not thirsty, just to make my life seem a little more complete...PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one?

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When watching television, I give people I don't like the finger

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Pretend to listen to music, but just do it so nobody talks to me or i simply just ignore them.

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Questioning why they make the Captcha's(spamblocker) SO hard to read

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If I have a top comment and I see someone else does, I upvote both of ours; friendly competition.

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Wanting to be the Walmart baby model as a kid ^_^

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i have conversations in my head about showing someone some music and end up playing specific parts of various songs on my ipod and memorise the timings just in case it does happen

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.