When I see someone who is clearly wealthy, I think to myself "I could do it better than you..."

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when i have a head or toothache...i hit it harder thinking it will stop or get better

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I pretend to get future messages. Like when I'm about to have a bad subject. I get a message from future me telling present me like 'Oh god. Yeah, brace yourself for science today.'

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Try to stop thinking but then just start thinking I'm thinking

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When I drive I cut corners even at low speeds so that the people behind me think I am experienced race car driver.

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Dance in the car just so the person you like will see you and be like "Aw, cute" but then they don't even see you so you stop...

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I have never watched Star Wars.

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I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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Sometimes I think ''Someone somewhere in the world just got slapped'' or ''Someone just took a nasty shit''.

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I always feel like i have to eat something while watching a movie that I've seen so many times.

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Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

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Sittig on a table donating sperm to my friend gabe

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When Im going to sleep , I try to think of good things so I wont think of scary things

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When i'm home, I pretend i'm famous!

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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Take baths

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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Pretend my life is a videogame.

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When you can feel yourself blushing so you pretend to be preoccupied with something else.

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When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

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chew on the side of my teeth

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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Am I not the one who created an imaginary BAE?

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Learn how to say "I love you" in a different language, just to say it to the person you like and observe their dumbfounded expressions.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.