I like making subliminal messages (givemeyourmoney)

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Contract my gluteus maximus while sitting for a long time to feel more comfortable.

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I wonder if sport games are rigged?

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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Whenever I walk through automatic doors I say "Thank You"

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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I can see a magic eye image

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Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

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I really enjoy self-pity.

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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Reading all these posts and being reminded that we are all more similar to each other than we think, regardless of whatever group each of us may belong to.

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I sit sideways on the toilet because my bony butt fits better that way.

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Go to the kitchen to eat, forget what I'm doing, go back to whatever I was doing, and realizing that I'm hungry.

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Laying or sitting down in a really comfy position, then getting up to do something, and when you come back you can't figure out the position you just had.

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After learning a new word, I hear it used and written EVERYWHERE for the next week.

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Pee in my work garbage can.

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Always cover yourself in the bathroom mirror at home because you have this strange feeling that people at school are all watching you through your mirror~pls tell me im not the only one who ever feels this~oh well

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Have a fantasy where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart while Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum.

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When I'm bored I think of what it would be like to be a women.

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Know you have enough milk in your cereal when you start to see it peek through the cracks

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.