sit in the shower

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i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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To my comment below... Rest im peace MJ... Shhh! Mary Jane is resting!

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get scarred shit less when some one burst though your door when it tacky

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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Wish that Mexicans would go ruin their own country instead of ruin ours.

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Look at restaurant signs and realize the font isnt as fancy as you once thought

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Every time i find an insect in my basement i grab it put it in the toilet and pee on it victoriously while its being flushed down. But Im a nice guy, and i worry about this evil hatred i have towards insects.

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Mostly make fun of my best friends but never make fun of just regular friends

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I hold in my shit only because i am soo occupied with my current task.

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Whenever someone dies I try to guess who will die next so I wont be as shocked

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Watching a movie with bugs in it and instantly feeling that shivery 'holy sh*t there are bugs on me' feeling.

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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being a mid-teenager, never having a relationship before and don't care at all.

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There's this reassuring voice in my head. She's almost like a mother, telling me that it'll be alright and that I have things to do.

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Will use delayed foot-to-ass insults on verbal bullies. You know, the kind that goes off in the persons head days or weeks after they thought they won an argument with me.

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I hit the frig after sex

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If I'm walking in the mall and realize I'm going in the wrong direction, I can't just double back, 'cause everyone would think I'm dumb for going in the wrong direction. Instead, I perform a slow U-turn to the other side of the walkway; either that or pretend to get an important text/phone call that forces me to do the quick turnaround. SAVE!

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act like people from movies or shows just because my life is that boring

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I really enjoy self-pity.

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I like to turn the lights off in the bathroom, actually block every little bit of light I possibly can, then take a nice warm shower, curl up on the floor, block my ears and enjoy the warm water and sensory deprivation.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.