Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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Not answer a question or something of the sort Evan if you know you know the answer because you are paranoid that you are wrong.

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Keep things on my body equal. ex. Hold something in my right hand so I hold something equally heavy in my left hand.

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My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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When in the shower, try to cross your arms and keep them as high up to your head as you can. Fill them with water and drink from it.

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sometimes when i fart i feel like i pooped a little in my underwear but tell myself ''no i didn't'' but feel poopy until i check.

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Your mom

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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when I take a big dump I turn around to see how big it is

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I make a joke and laugh a little but if someone else laughs then i laugh louder

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Give a 'thumbs up' or a 'thumbs down' based strictly on how much you like the number it will change it to.

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Use the 0.3141592653589793238462643383279502884 second rule

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Look at my poo before I flush it.

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Poking my self under the covers just to not falleth asleepeth (t -_-)zzzzzz

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Sit down in a grass field... immediately start pulling up grass.

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I tend to stand in front of mirrors and stare at myself to the point of my face changing to a more evil look than normal and freaking myself out, and forcing myself to either look away, or down.

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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I get mad at characters on tv and i shoot the screen with my Nerf gun

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Check behind the shower curtain for a killer.

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When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

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Realizes there is less toilet paper than first thought. Hobbles across bathroom to find more. Failure. Take shower.

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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I very carefully smell what I'm about to eat before I eat it, but I'd most likely eat it, even if I hadn't smelled it first.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.