Eat something to pass the time while I wait for my food in the microwave to be cooked.

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When I make croissants from the Pillsbury can, I'll take one of the little triangles and eat it, because I like the consistency of dough, and i like the fizzy feeling of the yeast on my tongue.

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When talking to someone you sometimes start with the middle of a story through the end, complete with random details that seem totally unrelated to them, and THEN you remember to tell the beginning (which is the part that actually relates to what they were talking about).

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Buying a new song, listening to it on repeat for hours until it gets old, and then never listening to it again.

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Fall asleep at night fantasizing about how you wish life situations would play out.

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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Simultaneously apply pressure to my ears to make the surrounding noises sound weird Tristan J.

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I sometimes rub my scalp rapidly and watch my dandruff fall down like snow.

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sitting in the passenger seat of the car, move my head around gently to guide a piece of dirt on the window in the foreground around the obstacle course of trees, streetlights etc in the background. Also, imagine my eyes are projecting lasers which cut through anything and carve the passing world up to my design.

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Sometimes when walking, accidently fart and then try to squeak my to sound like my shoes squeaked instead of me farting.

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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Think to myself "If I would have stuck to my diet I would be at my goal weight by now"

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When the hero of a movie is drowning I hold my breath to see if I would survive.

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When I see interactive ads on webpages ( "Shoot 5 iPhones And Get One Free!" type of windows ), I feel compelled to finish the task, even though I KNOW it's going to open a pop-up and waste 10 seconds of my life.

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Look at my eyes really close in the mirror and turn the lights off, wait, and then back on just watch my pupils change size. PS: Really? No way - I could've sworn I was the only weirdo who did that!

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I piss excellence, shit suppority and whip myself with greatness.

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When I walk from one room to the next, I make believe that the room I just left exploded, and that I made it out just in time.

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I wonder to myself if other people see exactly the same things as me.

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Pee in a glass and pour it down the sink, if someone is using the bathroom already.

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Still can't walk on cracks. If I step on the crack with one foot, the other has to as well.

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whenever I see those commercials where there is two people talking to each other but they constantly look at me it really irritates me

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Sometimes, I skim through the Terms of Service just to make sure I'm not selling my soul or promising my first-born.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.