Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

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Pulling the same faces as the character you are reading currently is.

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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Ever dreamt of being naked and then waking up in horror.

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

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Feeling sorry for objects to throw away!! Haha anyone els?

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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Say something in my head, but then wonder if i said it out loud and just didn't realize.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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I don't know why but I really wish I can ride a bike or drive a car through a shopping mall.

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Sleep with one leg on top of the covers and the rest of your body under them.

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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Believing in the kindness of strangers

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.