Apply hand sanitizer after fapping.

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Daydream about doing unspeakable things(killing, raping, beating, cutting, shooting, ect.) to the person you hate

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Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

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When I say, "What?" after understanding exactly what someone said.

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Trying to preform oral on yourself.... And failing.

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When I walk the streets after getting a new haircut, I think everybody's staring at me and thinking "oh my god she got a new haircut" eventhough they didn't know me before.

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If I have a top comment and I see someone else does, I upvote both of ours; friendly competition.

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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Go to get a drink and by the time you get there you already forgot what you were doing.

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Looking up 'How to tell if your crush likes you' to get assurance that he/she loves you

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Get so angry you hit a table, wall etc but hit it so hard you feel as though you've broken you fingers and this just makes you even angrier.

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in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

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When I'm in a room with other people, no matter who they are, I make myself choose the person I would tolerate the best having sex with just in case of a disaster and we need to procreate.

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While watching a movie, I imagine that same movie in my mind only replacing the characters with different ones from other series or videogames that I like. It just seems to make the movie better.

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When I'm about to fart, I close my butthole with cupped hand to smell my own fart. Sometimes after I fart, I bend down just to smell the scent.

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Avoid as many television commercials as I can

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I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

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Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

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whenever I see those commercials where there is two people talking to each other but they constantly look at me it really irritates me

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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After going to the bathroom, flush the toilet than hurry out of the bathroom and walk fast past a certain line going across the floor or make an imaginary line on the floor before the toilet fully flushes.

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i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

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Sometimes I think the whole world is set up, and I feel like I'm living in some kind of Truman Show. I even sometimes say "I know you're there" to the moon.

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Pull the curtain right to the end so there are no gaps just in case some weirdo at night decides to look in my window.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.