Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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Get distracted during fap dreams and thinking of your mom and then going OMG GROSS OH GOD IM A PERV!!

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I read your stuff at the interwebs and think "sons, I am disappoint" Moral: Lol, I just might be your father you know... But that does not mean you disappoint me anymore, I kinda expect your worst? Best? I mean... Are you doing your worst on purpose? WOW!

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after doing the dishes i get my hands wet after putting my jumper on cause i failed 2 dry my hands propley my arms a f***** cold dammit!!

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Open Fridge, look around for few seconds, say to self - 'What the f*** am I doing?'

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Thinking, "What is wrong with this generation"

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I kick my shoes off, sending them flying to various parts of the room. I then pick them up and place them neatly beside each other

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scream after your in the ooh part of achooh when you sneeze.

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Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

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When looking at these comments, don't like the ones with lots of comments on because you think they have too many and the others deserve your liking as they might feel left out.

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when u get something right and do a victory dance and the person to u is just like "da hell?"

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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Waking up from a dream that you thought was real life, and thinking,man i wish that was real...

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Happy April 28th everyone! Today is the first day of the rest of your lives, a time for new beginnings to run wild, a time to put a final ending to the past mistakes and troubling thoughts that may have been clouding your mind for far too long until now... The time is here, The time is now, Today is the day, Right here, right now, Right this moment, This is the right time... This, IS THE TIME TO DECIDE... To take time to make time, and let time pass by while you try to decide on how you wanna live your life? Falling into the same patterns as time before, and as will be, time after time? OR, simply, you can choose to LIVE... letting yourself have the time of YOUR LIFE!!! =) The choice is yours, what will you decide??? <3

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I somtimes think about what I would o if I had a wish and I go into a lot of detail about it in my head and then realize it will never actually happen

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feel that the horsehead network captchas can read my mind. kind of scary.

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When your friend tells you something, but you don't hear them so you just start laughing.

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Waking up from a really bad dream that you thought was real and then thinking about it all day worried that it actually happened

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when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

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Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

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Promise to save money then spends all of it anyway.

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When home alone, you feel the need to turn on every light/appliance so you won't hear the serial killer who you are sure hides in your basement

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I save my files as "askjaskjaks" because I'm too lazy to give them a proper name.

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When I'm about to fart, I close my butthole with cupped hand to smell my own fart. Sometimes after I fart, I bend down just to smell the scent.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.