Naming you're offspring Peter Jankins

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Looking at this naked with a cat on you're lap.

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Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

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when i'm in a really good mood i think everybody is watching and admiring me

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I don't cut a conversation on the phone short just because I have to use the "facilities". I've mastered the art of being as far away from the toilet while flushing and sprinting out of the bathroom.

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think that your whole life is just a dream and that you're going to wake up someday

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Reherse jokes/phrases to say to friends in school tomorrow

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When I'm bored I argue with myself inside my head.

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When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

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During an assembly, I try to be the last one to clap/ stand up/ sit down.

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I have a phobia of incest

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When you buy a car you then see that make/model everywhere.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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when I take a big dump I turn around to see how big it is

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when on long car rides look out the window imagineing stick figures running

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Make sudden movements in the mirror to try and catch out my reflection.

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When In the car, use th bug guts to ramp up all of the culverts and when you don't have a landing for a while, pretend that you got a speed bonus and are soaring with some amazing air.-dillon

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I rate certain songs on my iPod higher than others because if someone else is checking out my playlists, I don't want them knowing how much I really love that super cheesy song from the early 90's (even though every time it comes on, I hit repeat at least 3 times and sing aloud as loudly as I think I can get away with. I really, really love that song!).

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Drying yourself after the shower with a towl, wiping your ass dry and beeing scared when you dry other parts of your body you dont use the same part of the towl.

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When no one's at home, the house turns into an action movie set. Going to my room turns into sprinting up the stairs and purposely stumbling to give the effect that bombs are going off. And always make it to the room in time to hop on the last helicopter out of the jungle.

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Have to suddenly poop while shopping (mainly in Wal-Mart), but don't feel like traveling far to the restroom. So I kneel down in whatever aisle I'm in, casually shove my heel up my butt, and pick up some random item from the shelf and pretend to be interested in it. Finally, when the poop is secure in my butt, I'll put the item back and continue my shopping.

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singing along to a song that you think you know the words to.. but you dont

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.