I wet toilet paper before I use it to wipe.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,989

smell your socks cause you like the smell of your own sweat

thumb_up thumb_down +2,690

Have troubles sleeping when it's hot.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Every time i find an insect in my basement i grab it put it in the toilet and pee on it victoriously while its being flushed down. But Im a nice guy, and i worry about this evil hatred i have towards insects.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

When I'm in a place with two different colored tiles, I only step on the colored ones and pretend the white ones are lava or off-limits.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,912

get happy as sh*t when you remember your homework is do after your lunch period so you can do it then, but never end up doing it.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

When I'm hungry I look in the fridge, but there's nothing good to eat so I shut the door and walk away. Then I look in the fridge again 10 seconds later in the hope that new food has arrived Robbie

thumb_up thumb_down +1,590

Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

thumb_up thumb_down -21

I hold my breath in elevators

thumb_up thumb_down -29

When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

thumb_up thumb_down -24

repeat what you just said 2 seconds ago in a group conversation thinking no one heard you

thumb_up thumb_down -45

I don't care about who a celebrity dates or marries. Why should I?

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

thumb_up thumb_down -13

When someome asks you a question and you can't hear them so you say, "what?", then they say it again and you miss it so you just nod your head and say "yeah".

thumb_up thumb_down +2,863

I think about life problems in the shower

thumb_up thumb_down +2,409

Wonder if anyone doesn't actually talk to themselves for some reason or another at some point in their life. (If so, how can talking to yourself be the first sign of madness? So many people do it...)

thumb_up thumb_down -41

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

thumb_up thumb_down -91

Popping your finger in your bellybutton, and then smelling it. You secretly like the cheesy smell.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,459

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.