- Things You Think Only You Do

i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

Make a little song with tiny breaths out of your nose

Reflection and deep thoughts about the origin of life and the universe when showering

When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

When I'm in the shower, you think of arguments that can occur, then think of good comebacks to say to your opponent. And when it actually does happen in real life, you don't have the courage to say it.

Scratch my ass/armpit and HAVE to smell it.

If I'm walking in the mall and realize I'm going in the wrong direction, I can't just double back, 'cause everyone would think I'm dumb for going in the wrong direction. Instead, I perform a slow U-turn to the other side of the walkway; either that or pretend to get an important text/phone call that forces me to do the quick turnaround. SAVE!

Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

When reading something on the internet highlighting the words, they don't even have to be what you'r reading just highlighting large sections of the article at random.

Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

I take receipts out of the ATM's disposal slot in order to see how much money people that I've never met have in their accounts.

When I'm bored I argue with myself inside my head.

When standing on the beach, I try to command the waves to stop.

Here's a fun game I play if I wake up in the middle of the night: I look over at the alarm clock and see what numbers are displayed. Then I shut my eyes tightly and wait a few seconds before opening them again. If I open my eyes and see that the numbers on the alarm clock have changed, I win. If I open my eyes and they didn't, I lose.

Every time I see my self in a mirror, I feel like I'm watching someone in a different dimension and make quick movements to see if they mess up.

Wash my hands after i use the toilet.

For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

When peeing, if I get pee on the seat I will flush the toilet before wiping it and then see if I can quickly wipe it and toss the toilet paper in the toilet before it finishes flushing.

Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

No matter how complicated your shower is at home, you always find it much easier to work than other people's showers.

While spending the night drinking with my spouse at home, i put a diaper on so i don't have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I also change it for a fresh one when i go to bed.

Sometimes I think of doing really bad things and smirk, only to later regret even thinking of it and start questioning myself while feeling bad about it.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.