After I flush the toilet, I run out of the bathroom really fast.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

ur parents never pay attention to u but when they do they r yelling at u

thumb_up thumb_down -110

Constantly looking up at a Facebook tab while on another tab to see if you have any notifications or messages.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

When i'm done sleeping, I wake up.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Hide important things in places at home but forget later where you hid them.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

I plan to put money away everyday but never seem to do it.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Making "X's" with your fingernail on bug bites to get rid of them.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

when you're microwaving something and you have to pee, you run to the bathroom. then you run back to see if there is still time left before the "bomb" goes off.

thumb_up thumb_down -95

When in the shower, try to cross your arms and keep them as high up to your head as you can. Fill them with water and drink from it.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse.

thumb_up thumb_down -180

I was the real Stig...

thumb_up thumb_down -94

I pick a green crayon from crayon box but it's one of those yellow-greens that look yellow and now my clover will be half yellow forever.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

I find it easiest to read or study while sitting on the toilet.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Write a post and then find that someone else has already said it, but in a different way...wtf I'm really annoyed. And they have more likes too.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

thumb_up thumb_down

text somebody something and if they don't reply quickly, resend that same text.

thumb_up thumb_down -85

Any time I hear someone speaking with an accent, I start mimicking that accident. –Ikka

thumb_up thumb_down -46

play with a laser pointer and pretend its a lightsaber

thumb_up thumb_down -13

I can't brush my teeth with the toilet lid up.

thumb_up thumb_down +503

Not doing any work Feel guilty about it Then still do no work

thumb_up thumb_down -106

I say my first name every night before I go to sleep because I want it to be the last thing I say before I die.

thumb_up thumb_down -147

I sometimes have bad dreams that for some reason I don't want to wake up from because I just want to see what happens next

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.