Masturbate while waiting for a game to load.

When at a red you watch the light real close and as soon as it turns green you try to beat the other cars to the other side of intersection

Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

do a fake cough when my shit is falling in the toilet

I smell or rinse cups before I put water in them. Even if they are clean.

I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

Play Minecraft

Use é instead of e to spell Pokémon

Say 'she's not here' when someone that I don't know calls and asks for me.

when I go shopping I go in the store, get what I need and then I leave I don't browse.

I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

Toss something across the room toward the place it belongs, get excited when it lands upright/ perfectly in place, then immediately regret you weren't recording it.

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

Try to pee on the toilet-paper in the toilet so it rips in half

play with a laser pointer and pretend its a lightsaber

When I masturbate I trade hands often in fear that my penis may become crooked.

Stop in the middle of a walk, then picture every face of every person you saw during that walk and what you were doing just in case a detective or police officer stopped you and asked "where you were at a this time?" or "have you seen this person?"

Looking around in disgust at your messy room and then doing nothing about it.

Closed the door to the refrigerator super slow, just to watch the light turn off.

Sometimes I become paranoid that the ceiling is going to randomly come crashing down and kill me.

when i'm in a really good mood i think everybody is watching and admiring me

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.