Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Sometimes I look at people and think, "They poop."

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Sitting next to a banana called James

thumb_up thumb_down -48

My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Reading these, realizing that you don't do some of the things on the top of the list, and wondering if you're weird.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

I post morals under every one of my new comments. Moral: Duh, I am moral man ffs! What do you expect! Its awesome! If things go at this phase I will be a celebrity in... hmm... in never!

thumb_up thumb_down -85

when i know that friends are coming to my place the next day i clean up my room and then i'm like...oh i forgot to clean up i'm sorry, it's always in a mess...

thumb_up thumb_down +37

when someone is talking about something i have no idea of and then asked me if i agree I'm like: oh yes! and then promptly changing subject so they won't find out

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Wonder if someone is ever doing the exact same thing you are at the moment.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,417

Make scary faces in the mirror and try to scare myself

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Tried to stuff yourself in the fridge

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Constantly looking up at a Facebook tab while on another tab to see if you have any notifications or messages.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

I sleep in my underpants every single night

thumb_up thumb_down +26

try not to step on cracks on the sidewalk

thumb_up thumb_down -69

I put salt on buttered toast...

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Always think "what if ghosts really ARE everywhere?" when I'm naked in the shower, or getting dressed, or any other private and/or embarrassing moment. Then get really freaked out and picture 6 people from 1902 watching you.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Aim at shit stains whilst I pee.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

When I'm bored I throw a plastic bag in the air and see how long I can keep it from touching the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Pretend that when you are in the shower, the shower head is a giant machine gun, that takes thousands of men to operate, and that you were an extremely large person and you catch ALL of the bullets in your mouth, spitting them at the shower head while at the same time turning off the water as if they all died, and the small drips that continue to drop out were the dead soldires' blood.....-dillon

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Love feet. like LOVE feet.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

instinctively thumb down long posts without reading them.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

moving your hand with objects that are already moving and pretending you have the force.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

At restaurants, eat my food in sections. Usually leafy greens, french fries, then steak/ whatever meat.

thumb_up thumb_down -102

when i'm in a really good mood i think everybody is watching and admiring me

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.