Masturbate while waiting for a game to load.

thumb_up thumb_down -113

When at a red you watch the light real close and as soon as it turns green you try to beat the other cars to the other side of intersection

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

do a fake cough when my shit is falling in the toilet

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I smell or rinse cups before I put water in them. Even if they are clean.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Play Minecraft

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Use é instead of e to spell Pokémon

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Say 'she's not here' when someone that I don't know calls and asks for me.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

when I go shopping I go in the store, get what I need and then I leave I don't browse.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

thumb_up thumb_down

Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Toss something across the room toward the place it belongs, get excited when it lands upright/ perfectly in place, then immediately regret you weren't recording it.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

thumb_up thumb_down -5

I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Try to pee on the toilet-paper in the toilet so it rips in half

thumb_up thumb_down -15

play with a laser pointer and pretend its a lightsaber

thumb_up thumb_down -10

When I masturbate I trade hands often in fear that my penis may become crooked.

thumb_up thumb_down -145

Stop in the middle of a walk, then picture every face of every person you saw during that walk and what you were doing just in case a detective or police officer stopped you and asked "where you were at a this time?" or "have you seen this person?"

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Looking around in disgust at your messy room and then doing nothing about it.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Closed the door to the refrigerator super slow, just to watch the light turn off.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Sometimes I become paranoid that the ceiling is going to randomly come crashing down and kill me.

thumb_up thumb_down -104

when i'm in a really good mood i think everybody is watching and admiring me

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.