Seriously I am tired but, I read the fucking solvemedia stating "forget this", then I stood there for a moment having just forgot what I was supposed to type. "Was I not supposed to forget what I just read?" Nero: BRAINWASHING! FORGET THIS AND LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MOTHER! IM LEUTANANT BANGUS YOUR MUTHERUS YOU IDIOT!

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Realise logically that a chicken egg is her period. we eat chicken periods!

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Cuss my ass off in the morning - jd

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When Im bored in a house that has leafy/floral wallpaper I follow the stem with my finger all the way up to the top of the wall and then go back down again and think of a route that gets you all the way to the other side of the wall.

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eat the salt from the bottom of the pretzel bag

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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Go on this site to feel normal.

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lie in bed, stare at the ceiling fan, focus on only one blade, and see how long your eyesight can follow it.

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I always think I have special powers

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Whenever there is a volume button on something i have to make sure its on a number 5 ie: 0,5,10,15

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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When riding in a car I pump my arms to pretend I'm running at an incredible rate.

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if someone i like or want to impress is around i change the song I'm listening to to something that i know they like or something not embarrassing, just in case they ask me what i'm listening to.

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When watching a heavy action movie and you suddenly start thinking about how much it would cost to repair the damages made in the movie.

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Look at the toilet paper after i wipe my ass just to make sure i didn't leave anything behind..

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try to find this website, but type in "thingsonlyyouthinkyoudo" or "thingsyouonlythinkyoudo" .. give up.. then google it instead.

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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I have seen one of my submissions listed under "Quotes from other sites"

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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Think you're breathing way too loud when your headphones are turned up

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I like to poo while smoking.

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When I'm laying in bed and I feel my heartbeat, I turn around so I can't feel it because it makes me feel sick.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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when passing someone in a car beside you, you try to wonder where they are going just by looking at them, their clothes or their expressions

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.