When I am in a car i always think there is massive swords coming out the edge of the car and make everything the same length up

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Whenever I do something I want to tell someone about, I have to whisper it to myself before I tell them.

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If I'm home alone, I tell myself good night when I am getting cozy in bed. I even use my name.

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Convince yourself that all of your friends are partying together without you when they dont respond to your text messages.

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I sometimes watch entire movies with the sound off and a good album playing.

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when I have an itch on my hand I scratch it with my stubble

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I eat ass

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masturbate... with condoms and gloves because male genitalia is gross and clean up takes just a few seconds rather than minutes

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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I always have to know exactly what time it is before I go to sleep, just so I can figure out exactly how many hours of sleep I will get.

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stare at someones face until they distort and then wonder why they are asking me why I'm smiling.

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Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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oh snap, i got a boner. hope nobody notices

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

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My goal is to get as much as possible thumbs down at this post.

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it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

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Sometimes I would just be thinking to myself and then think of something funny and laugh but I don't share it with anyone else makes me look insane.

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The longer it takes me to find the light switch in the dark the more frantic and terrified I become.

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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Pretending you don't know that much about something because other people might think it would be wierd if you did. Ex: if you you knew someone's exact birthdate and you were discussing it with some one and you where like ya he looks a little older he's probably in his mid 40s or early 50s instead of just admitting you know there exact age.

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When I'm around people, I sometimes yell in my head "STOP READING MY MIND! I KNOW YOU'RE DOING IT, SO STOP!" just in case.

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I practice my signature on a piece of paper over and over again. Even though my signature has never changed.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.