pull the poo out of my butt when im too impatient to push it out

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Popping your finger in your bellybutton, and then smelling it. You secretly like the cheesy smell.

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When leaving your basement, become increasingly conscious of how you are scared of something getting you. SPRINT UP STAIRS.

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While spending the night drinking with my spouse at home, i put a diaper on so i don't have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I also change it for a fresh one when i go to bed.

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Whenever i hear myself in a video or something to me, it sounds way higher pitched than when I hear myself talking Is it just me?

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When I'm over at my friends house and they get in a fight with their sibling, I just pet their dog.

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When I'm hungry I look in the fridge, but there's nothing good to eat so I shut the door and walk away. Then I look in the fridge again 10 seconds later in the hope that new food has arrived Robbie

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I think about life problems in the shower

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Sometimes I read a whole page of text only to realize I didn't actually read any of it. Then I read it again. Sometimes this happens more than 3 times for one page.

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After learning a new word, I hear it used and written EVERYWHERE for the next week.

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pee in the side of the toilet so its not as loud.

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When I'm about to get in bed, I turn my light off and then run and jump into bed so that nothing gets me.

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Instead of using the twist ties on bread, I spin the bag of bread and then tuck the flap underneath.

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When I'm in a place with two different colored tiles, I only step on the colored ones and pretend the white ones are lava or off-limits.

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i see almost everything as a sign

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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Go on Omegle video chat and worry that you'll see someone you know

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Touching your nipples at night wondering if anyone else wanted to touch them all day :)

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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Feeling self conscious about breathing to loudly

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When looking at these comments, don't like the ones with lots of comments on because you think they have too many and the others deserve your liking as they might feel left out.

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Say something in my head, but then wonder if i said it out loud and just didn't realize.

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.