Check the shower before you pee to make sure nothing is waiting there to literally get you with your pants down.

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When you can't use your hand to push a door, kick it and say "THIS IS SPARTA!!!"

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Checking your phone for a text when you know you don't have one. Matt

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feel legitimately bad for Wile E Coyote whenever he does not get the road runner

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If there's leaves on the ground and the wind picks it up and makes like swirls I put my arms out to make it seem I'm controlling the swirls.

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I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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before going to a party, i rehearse the conversations i expect to have with the people who will be there (even though those conversations never actually happent)

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Sometimes when I'm sitting next to someone I start thinking stuff about him/her, making fun of their clothes in my mind or something. Then I have a feeling that maybe that person can read thoughts and immediately start thinking about something else, and avoid eye contact until one of use leaves

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Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

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Sometimes, when I'm at work, I j3rk 0ff in the bathroom. Please tell me someone else has done this????

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this is a terrible website and i hate you

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

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Whenever I send or receive texts, I always make it a point to have more received texts than sent ones. It makes me feel popular.

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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When I'm at the checkout and paying with my card, I try to put my PIN in the card machine before the cashier has a chance to tell me to do it.

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I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

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Think it's awesome when I look at a clock and it reads the same numbers that my address starts with.

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I have to fart real bad but people are around me , so I try to silent fart

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I mute music videos and watch them to completely different music.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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"Hey, did you see that new episode last night?" "Yeah!" "Do you remember that part when he ran through the city?" "Yeah!" LIES

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.