SOMETIMES I SHIT ON MY HAND.... IN THE SHOWER

Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

When I masturbate I trade hands often in fear that my penis may become crooked.

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Judge a stranger in your mind (God, they're ugly/fat etc.) then wonder if they heard you thinking it.

Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

get so shitfaced you wake up in a closet with piss everywhere

Laying or sitting down in a really comfy position, then getting up to do something, and when you come back you can't figure out the position you just had.

Sittig on a table donating sperm to my friend gabe

Smoking in the shower.

i have my own way of eating every chocolate bar i eat, layer by layer

I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

Singing alone in the car and then stopping, scared that there is an audio recorder in the car recording you singing.

I got a lot of high rated entries, but they dont contain Moral: This.

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

"Hey, did you see that new episode last night?" "Yeah!" "Do you remember that part when he ran through the city?" "Yeah!" LIES

Listening to romantic hollywood sad core and feeling depressed because your single.

Coughing really loud to cover up the sound of your fart, then shitting your pants.

A stranger makes me mad. Spend all day thinking about badass things that I should have done/said.

when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

lie in bed, stare at the ceiling fan, focus on only one blade, and see how long your eyesight can follow it.

Think to myself "If I would have stuck to my diet I would be at my goal weight by now"

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.