wipe your hands on your pants

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I type out something I think is funny, then wonder if people will think I'm weird and erase it.

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Turn the light off, run, and JUMP into bed. I'm 26.

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thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

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while talking about someone, immediately fear they are somehow listening

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fist myself to the point of unconsciousness whilst masturbating to the speeches of Hitler

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when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

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*Sees bug on wall while taking shower* *Splashes with shower water* *Bug slides down wall* >_

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Get sharp pains in your chest whenever you're watching or reading a sex scene.

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Spend several minutes to write a comment on a website, only to decide not no submit it after all.

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Forget a seemingly simple word. Shout it out at random 3 days later...(don't tell me you don't do this)

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When you say something you think is funny but it turns out that it's only funny in your head so once you say it there's this moment of awkwardness and everyone else probably just forgets about it but it haunts you for the rest of your life. ~

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Think that when you're reading something or watching tv some people somewhere are knowing what your watching or whether or not you understand what you just read so you don't wanna reread it to risk looking stupid.

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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Stick my hand all the way to the bottom of a tub of grease.

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When I go to the bathroom I put toilet paper over my penis and pretend its a ghost

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While going to sleep, you turn the pillow downside-up several times to find a cooler surface.

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I chew on anything plastic. I don't think there's a pen that I haven't chewed on or a plastic cap I haven't put in my mouth. It's a horrible habit but it feels so DAMN GOOD TO CHEW!

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Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

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Sometimes I make awkward eye contact with strangers. And I quickly look away. And then I look back. And then look away again. And I keep being compelled to stare awkwardly at the random stranger for no reason.

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When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

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Normally I can do a specific task no problem but when someone is watching and I know that they are watching I screw up.

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I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.