Handing something to a friend or someone and all you can think is "...I've fapped with that hand. And they know I have" even though you clean up after you feel like your jizz is gonna be on what you gave them and theyll find out amd think you're disgusting.

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Before going to bed look around the dark room and when you see something suspicious you have a look to see its not a person

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Sometimes I toot.

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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Ur mum

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I wear my boxers so I can poop through the pee hole

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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I am sure that no one else has the same mental slowness as me and my brother. When I say mauve he says maeve and we continue like this for hours. It is certainly an exciting way of eating up those motorway miles:)

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Reading a book and making the facial expressions it describes.

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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Pretend to be texting to look popular in public

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when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

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when I'm lying in bed and I really have to fart, I lift up the blanket, stick my ass out and fart into the night air to keep the stench out of my bed

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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I can't get out of bed in the mornings unless the alarm clock reads 0 or 5.

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whenever there are automatic doors at a store i use "the force" to open them

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Feel all cool and look suspiciously at everybody else while leaving the theater after a good dramatic movie.

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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Checking out peoples cars to try and figure out what kind of driver they are.

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seeing small spots in your eye (dust probably) and then chasing them with your eye trying to catch them

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Listen to music while browsing the internet, having facebook open in another tab, and randomly you hear facebook message sounds, even though they aren't really there.

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I am always SO sure the metal detector or store alarms will go off when I walk through them. –Ikka

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Waiting alone inside a public toilet for someone to come in and open the door.... so you don't have to touch the handle!

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Miss the bus, keep running pretending I was going somewhere else.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.