Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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It's hot but I still have on covers

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when you are at home doing something then all of a sudden you imagine how you would take down a killer if he came into your home right now. just me?

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Saying "ouch!" when someone throws something and it hits an inanimate object.. -Sarah

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Walking down the toy isle in the store, and feeling a little sad that you're not a kid anymore.

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When taking a shower, and standing in the opposite direction where the water is coming fromY

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When I'm home alone, I pretend I'm famous, and pretend I'm doing a television or magazine interview, and answer out loud to questions I ask in my head

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Always think "what if ghosts really ARE everywhere?" when I'm naked in the shower, or getting dressed, or any other private and/or embarrassing moment. Then get really freaked out and picture 6 people from 1902 watching you.

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Yelling my cats name in my mind to see if i can get him to look at me using the power of my mind

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Sometimes, after I say "bye" to a person on facebook, I wait a few seconds before I log off so that it seems like I said "bye" to other people too. Because I'm just that popular.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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When you can't be bothered to go to the toilet so you stay watching tv or going on your laptop while trying to hold it in.

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Liking your own posts to make it seem like at least 1 person likes you. thinking that maybe someone will be slightly compelled to like it because someone already did.

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I'll sing nice and loud in the shower and wonder why I haven't come out with an album yet

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Repeat the phrase "you too" after a comment someone makes that does not apply. Bob: happy birthday Jim Jim: you too bob. Awwww sh!t.

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When I was younger I used to think that Red bull was a drink that really did give you wings like they show in the commercials

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when im in a public toilet and my freinds outside i make loud converstation with them so they cant hear me pee.

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Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

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I click my teeth to music

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Try to keep a balloon in the air with out touching the ground, using anything but my hands -Noel

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I brush my teeth with the tap on because it sounds weird brushing in silence.

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Seperate your food on you dinner plate

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.