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Clarksonisms
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Handing something to a friend or someone and all you can think is "...I've fapped with that hand. And they know I have" even though you clean up after you feel like your jizz is gonna be on what you gave them and theyll find out amd think you're disgusting.
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-87
Before going to bed look around the dark room and when you see something suspicious you have a look to see its not a person
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-35
Sometimes I toot.
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-16
browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter
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+7
Ur mum
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-58
I wear my boxers so I can poop through the pee hole
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-16
Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.
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-16
I am sure that no one else has the same mental slowness as me and my brother. When I say mauve he says maeve and we continue like this for hours. It is certainly an exciting way of eating up those motorway miles:)
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-56
Reading a book and making the facial expressions it describes.
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+39
When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.
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+8
Pretend to be texting to look popular in public
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-2
when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops
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+3
when I'm lying in bed and I really have to fart, I lift up the blanket, stick my ass out and fart into the night air to keep the stench out of my bed
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-82
Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake
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-36
I can't get out of bed in the mornings unless the alarm clock reads 0 or 5.
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+538
whenever there are automatic doors at a store i use "the force" to open them
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+1,045
Feel all cool and look suspiciously at everybody else while leaving the theater after a good dramatic movie.
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-42
Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.
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+28
Checking out peoples cars to try and figure out what kind of driver they are.
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+40
seeing small spots in your eye (dust probably) and then chasing them with your eye trying to catch them
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+46
Listen to music while browsing the internet, having facebook open in another tab, and randomly you hear facebook message sounds, even though they aren't really there.
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-70
I am always SO sure the metal detector or store alarms will go off when I walk through them. –Ikka
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-53
Waiting alone inside a public toilet for someone to come in and open the door.... so you don't have to touch the handle!
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-7
Miss the bus, keep running pretending I was going somewhere else.
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+16
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Things You Think Only You Do
A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.