- Things You Think Only You Do

I Think people can read my mind....."if you can read my mind nod your head or don't if you don't want me to know that you can" It doesn't work either way but yeah thats just me lol

The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

Look at my poo before I flush it.

Hold my pen or pencil with two fingers cued against my palm and two fingers sliding up the pen with my thumb in between them.

You take showers on school morning because you like to stand there under the hot water just thinking about life while your warm

Think it's awesome when I look at a clock and it reads the same numbers that my address starts with.

Use the toilet shower to wipe your a**, but denies the fact until death for your friends.

Poo really loud

i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

When in the shower hit the plug like a bath then just sit there for a few minutes as the water fills up.

If i've been thinking about a particular person a lot, afterwards if people are telling a story or describing a scenario, I always picture the person I was thinking of before as the person as the main character in their story/scenario.

I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

I sometimes look at a guy and wonder how big their dick is.

Legally changing your name to Peter Jankins just cuz

I sit up all night on the computer/xbox then when people ask if i have slept i just lie and say yes to avoid the drama.

I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

Playing hide-and-seek and finding the best spot ever, only to realize you have to pee

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.