Hold my pen or pencil with two fingers cued against my palm and two fingers sliding up the pen with my thumb in between them.

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listen to madonnas new album

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I lift my butt when I'm farting

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I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

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Sometimes I lie in bed and wonder what the house would look like upside down.

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When you had a crush on a girl in elementary school, then don't see her in middle school and think of how much of a bitch she was. Then You start crushing on her again in high school.

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When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

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if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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I Masturbate Daily.

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Inspect the shower, bath or toilet, then washing it until you believe it is suitable to use.

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Think about breathing...

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Sometimes there is a hair in my butt and then I pull it slowly out. And it feels funny.

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Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

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I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

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When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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When in shower, I turn the heat to max for a few minutes to warm up the whole bathroom.

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Think that the person driving keeps staring at me when ever they look in the mirror and I'm sat in the back.

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When I can't find my phone so I panic and shearch everywhere only to find out it was in my pocket.

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When i go into a public toilet and one of the cubical doors is slightly shut, I will be really quiet or slightly push the door to see if anyone is in there.

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.