Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

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Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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Drink half the water in a water bottle and then swish it around pretending to drown little people inside it.

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Link gross things with porn i.e: Think of really gross things (or friends or family) when fapping to really hot stuff ( the porn becomes ruined)

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get a new *to you* car, and suddenly every other car on the road is the same make/ model..... hey look! an outback!

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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I put the volume on my television so it is on any number divisible by five (5-10-15 etc. etc.)

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When you're out for a run, you pretend that someone is chasing after you so you run harder.

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I always have to watch the credits of a movie even, though everyone else has left the theatre and there are people cleaning up the seats, which makes me think, they think i'm crazy.

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Not vote up my own posts? I bet I'm among the few..

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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Stand on the first floor and look up through the 2nd story railing just to look up women's skirts.

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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Still record on VHS tapes.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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Realise logically that a chicken egg is her period. we eat chicken periods!

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When I'm in the shower, I'm afraid something might try to kill me so I shower with my glasses on.

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.