When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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When an ice cube fall on the floor I kick it under the fridge.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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sometimes when i'm talking to myself and someone walks in the room i have to make them believe what i'm saying is a song!!

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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sometimes i mouth improvised, ridiculous sentences in the mirror to see what i look like when i talk to people

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I don't thumb down any submissions because then I am just as bad as the people who thumb down mine

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when you are on EXCEL file on your computer, you scroll down so far, that it goes to 1000

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

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Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

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When I'm watching a video on YouTube, I repeatedly click on the video slider section below the video because I feel uncomfortable not doing it, ever since I realized that you can't move to different parts of the video with your keyboard without clicking there first.

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

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Hold my pen or pencil with two fingers cued against my palm and two fingers sliding up the pen with my thumb in between them.

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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I no longer trust any of my local news because they appear to have an agenda

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when looking at a reflection of myself, i try to do it as fast as i can before the reflection does something i didnt

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I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

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Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

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Love feet. like LOVE feet.

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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Being fat

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Not wanting to think about something but your brain thinks about it because you are trying not to think about it so much.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.