I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

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Whenever someone dies I try to guess who will die next so I wont be as shocked

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I never even met you! Why do you care who I'm talking to?

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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Saying something stupid and then claiming it was an inside joke so you don't look stupid.

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Look at every individual line on my hands and see if they are identicle

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Touching that door knob three times before opening the door.

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Walk around downtown and spot good camping spots or sniping spots, cause life is a FPS.

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listening to music and not realizing ur favorite song is on until the last word

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eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

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Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

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Thinking about what is nothing and other deep shit when trying to fall asleep.

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I sniff my finger after I scatch my bunghole lol

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Legally changing your name to Peter Jankins just cuz

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Make a weird face when taking a picture with a friend, never see the picture, so you try to remake the face you did in a mirror to see how stupid you looked...

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Read something strange and funny that you don't actually do, then say: "whaat?" And lough and everyone around you just look at you not knowing why you're talking to yourself an laughing.

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thinking your pants are wet when you only just sat down for a long time

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I sometimes put posts not just of things I do but also of things I know other people do

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Try to stop a stopwatch exactly on 1 second with no extra milliseconds

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I always write b as d or d as b since I've learned the alphabet, and i hate my keyboarb cuz its on lower case every time.

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Hang something small in front of the webcam, in case someone is secretly watching me.

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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I never feel bored

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.