I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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When I play Sims, I feel like God and wonder if we, in fact, are just the players in God's Sims game. Hmmmm...

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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Start to pray at night, but get bored and stop in 2 min.

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When I see a 20th Century Fox movie, I always sing the intro.

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I tilt my head back and eat grapes pretending like im a greek god

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put your hands in your bra or pants to keep them warm when you're not in public.

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Skip lines to read faster then get confused by everything for the next 10 pages.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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Text random people saying I'm pregnant

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when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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try to only take one step on each sidewalk square.

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I push the door open with my stomach

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pee when you are dreaming haha lol

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Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

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Read posts on this website and realize there are a lot of weirdos in the world.

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There's this reassuring voice in my head. She's almost like a mother, telling me that it'll be alright and that I have things to do.

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I think about other women when having sex

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When you are taking a test or anywhere , you remember something funny and you laugh randomly looking like a dumbass then pretend to cough.

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After peeling an apple, I will put the apple in a zip-lock and hold it through the plastic so my hands won't get sticky while I eat it.

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When you're out for a run, you pretend that someone is chasing after you so you run harder.

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Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.