When the toilet paper falls to the floor, I quickly roll it again so nobody notices it.

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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Text random people saying I'm pregnant

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pretend you have a fishing pole and are reeling in cars to pass them when your in the passengers seat going down the freeway.

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Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

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I think about fat women while poking my skinny girlfriend

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I push the door open with my stomach

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Hope that one day your closet will have a secret world like Narnia...

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I'm a female. Sometimes I pee in the shower just so that I can try to aim my pee at the drain. This way I can imagine what it's like to pee with a doodle.

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie)

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i wonder why someone decided to spell words unusually for example why couldn't because be spelt becuz the way it sounds?!

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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I deeply pick my nose with tweezers. It's like the relief of pooping to me.

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I look behind me and out of my window every 10 minutes while I'm sitting at my desk because I'm scared something's gonna be there.

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Hearing someone say something but saying "what" because you need more time to think of an answer

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Every time I see people's bare feet I'm automatically counting their toes to make sure if they have an extra toe or two.

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When I'm laying in bed and I feel my heartbeat, I turn around so I can't feel it because it makes me feel sick.

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When I play Sims, I feel like God and wonder if we, in fact, are just the players in God's Sims game. Hmmmm...

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i put a empty pack of cigarettes under my pillow and hoped the cigarette fairy would come when i was asleep

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When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

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Start to pray at night, but get bored and stop in 2 min.

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Brake for tail-gaters

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I feel that there is something sinister going on in government

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.