think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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I get more creeped out the more I read the comments here, especially as the comments start getting really low thumbs ups.

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When you're alone in a room and you have to turn on the TV so it's not as silent...

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Swirling your hair through your hair while something is loading.

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

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when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

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Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

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I don't read the terms of service.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

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google search random thoughts you have to see if they pop up.

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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Sometimes I lie in bed and wonder what the house would look like upside down.

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It's hot but I still have on covers

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Spend countless hours looking at cars online I know I'll never be able to afford

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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If I'm trying to read a clock or bulletin from far away, I instinctively stand and point at it.

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Simultaneously apply pressure to my ears to make the surrounding noises sound weird Tristan J.

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Brake for tail-gaters

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I strum my fingers on my other hand between the fingers on the other hand which is a fist to make a popping sound (Try it, it's really fun)

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sometimes when i see a cop cruising around i try and act suspicious to see if they pull me over.

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.