I feel that there is something sinister going on in government

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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Roll my eyes with them closed when I am annoyed with someone

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How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

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while i'm doing something,i think a suitable soundtrack for it.

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I sometimes put posts not just of things I do but also of things I know other people do

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Read something strange and funny that you don't actually do, then say: "whaat?" And lough and everyone around you just look at you not knowing why you're talking to yourself an laughing.

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when i use omegle u usually say im a girl, when a guy says how long is his thing, i say 'mine too' :D

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I don't leave the toilet in a public restroom until the other person leaves, so I don't have to make awkward eye contact.

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When I create a situation in my mind where someone is making me mad, then I actually get mad.

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Check the shower before you pee to make sure nothing is waiting there to literally get you with your pants down.

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sit closer to the water so my poop isn't so loud..

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If I have a top comment and I see someone else does, I upvote both of ours; friendly competition.

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Imagine that other people can see what im doing, then try to act differently.

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when in the car with just one parent i get very cautious about what im thinking cuz i feel like they r reading my mind

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Get excited when the captcha says something related to whatever you're posting

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Being able to scare people by awkwardly standing behind them

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THINK OF SOMETHING WEIRD YOU DO TO PUT ON THIS WEBSITE ONLY TO END UP FORGETTING IT BEFORE YOU GET ON THE COMPUTER

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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I masturbate with sandpaper

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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When a person tells you: Oh you like Lana Del Rey? Me:No,I like the wall

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Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.