in silences, freak, thinking someone can read your mind and tell them off in your head

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Think about all of the germs that are on restroom doors and water taps.

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i want to FAWK the SHYT out of that girl

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when you mouth words (but saying them out loud) when someone can't hear you

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when I'm lying in bed and I really have to fart, I lift up the blanket, stick my ass out and fart into the night air to keep the stench out of my bed

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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I wonder if a blind person knows how colors look?

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

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At times I get the annoying habbit of counting the notes on a song on my fingers, again and again until it ends with five, if not, I keep doing it until it does so as to not leave a finger left out of the melody.

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Wave my hand at automatic doors just as they open pretending that I have Jedi powers

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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going to bed at 10:30 pm realize i have to check Facebook go to YouTube randomly watch 2 hours of nothing, then find my self pulling an all nighter cause its 4 am and i got school.

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never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

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I fill my bathtub up with marinara and then sit curled up in it and pretend that I am a meatball.

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When the font allows it, try to hide the cursor in capital I's.

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Smoking a cigarette on the toilet and then accidentally ashing directly into your panties. Everytime.

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Stepping on people's feet when I approach to kiss/hug/say hi to them.

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i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

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If I have a top comment and I see someone else does, I upvote both of ours; friendly competition.

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I hate being called "buddy".

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.