When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

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Sometimes when I'm all alone, I like to rub vasceline on myself and pretend I'm a slug.

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Skip lines to read faster then get confused by everything for the next 10 pages.

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I **** with no hands.

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text somebody something and if they don't reply quickly, resend that same text.

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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Tells a joke only you thought was funny and still laughs then laughs harder because your the only one laughing nikki

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When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

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When you say bye to someone and keep walking in the same direction, and then its really awkward...

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Anytime I walk in anyplace with cracks in the ground (tiled floors, cement squares, etc.) I do my best to avoid stepping on cracks in fear of something happening if I do.

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Hit the enter key really hard when finishing a long piece of text that you have just written.

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Stick my hand all the way to the bottom of a tub of grease.

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I sometimes feel someone is watching me and speak towards it in a calming tone, only to again speak to myself telling myself im just being silly... only to turn my head and look behind me just in case.

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When I'm in the shower, you think of arguments that can occur, then think of good comebacks to say to your opponent. And when it actually does happen in real life, you don't have the courage to say it.

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When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

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When I'm alone with my pet, sometimes we just sit down and stare at each each other for a minute or two

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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sit closer to the water so my poop isn't so loud..

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I'm not bad looking and I don't fall into the beautiful category either but I really feel good about the way I look

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Thinking you can do parkour even when you cant and the have a friend over and try to show off

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Sometimes I'll say quotes from movies or TV shows out loud to myself.

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I have the idea that i'm the only one who looks at this site.

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Whenever I have to carry a heavy box with both hands a long distance, my nose decides it's going to itchy.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.