Run back into your room when your microwaving something

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Every time I walk up the stairs in my own house, I feel compelled to do it on all fours.

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trip over nothing. break into spontaneous dancing.

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I feel that there is something sinister going on in government

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When in the shower hit the plug like a bath then just sit there for a few minutes as the water fills up.

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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Stare blankly at your desktop when someone walks in the room so they won't know that you were watching porn lol

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It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

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When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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Sometimes I walk around my house with my eyes closed and pretend I'm blind.

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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Talk to my cat.

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After eating a banana I leave the last bit that was in the bottom

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When someone is talking to me and I'm not really listening, when it gets quiet I say 'that's crazy' so they think I'm listening.

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I would try to make my pencil shavings as long as possible.

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Random strong urge to squeeze immensely cute pet.

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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Smell my fingers after I pick u pennies or unlock the door with my keys!

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Wash my hands after i use the toilet.

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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I mean Diana Ross.

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when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.