I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

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Being able to scare people by awkwardly standing behind them

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Saying an awkward word enough times so that it doesn't sound like a real word anymore

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When Im going to sleep , I try to think of good things so I wont think of scary things

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Get excited when your friends think your favorite song is cool.

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use tweezers to pull out leg hair or armpit hair out of sheer boredom.

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Whenever someone dies I try to guess who will die next so I wont be as shocked

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Pretend my life is a videogame.

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Sometimes cringe at the sound when other people scratch themselves

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Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

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I like to record the audio from TV shows and movies onto cassette tapes from my stereo, and listen to them on my Walkman while I'm working in the kitchen or around the house.

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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I tilt my head back and eat grapes pretending like im a greek god

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when looking at a reflection of myself, i try to do it as fast as i can before the reflection does something i didnt

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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When driving along in the car, imagining crashing and another car coming into you and the repercussions of it all.

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Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

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Walk away in the middle of a sitcom and then play the rest out of the episode in your head while doing something else.

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Sometimes when my teacher calls on me in class I imagine myself saying F**** you and then having the whole class look at me in disbelief

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I sometimes put posts not just of things I do but also of things I know other people do

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When ever I'm walking up or down stairs, i always have to step on the last step with my left foot.

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Look at the toilet paper after i wipe my ass just to make sure i didn't leave anything behind..

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Wave my hand at automatic doors just as they open pretending that I have Jedi powers

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Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.