I have memorized most commercials and recite them when they come on the tv.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

when you kill a bug you act like a god and yell something before you kill it

thumb_up thumb_down -29

When you sit down to use the toilet, start, and then realize that the window is open and people can hear you.You then either search for something to mask the sound or proceed to relieve yourself by making as little noise as possible (ultimately failing)

thumb_up thumb_down -29

I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

make mini paper airoplanes in boring lessons and pretend you are flying them

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Sittig on a table donating sperm to my friend gabe

thumb_up thumb_down -49

look at bins as i walk past them

thumb_up thumb_down -51

poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

thumb_up thumb_down -57

When I get the chance, I always nick a chip from my mum's or dad's dinner.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

I hate when my mom hangs my underwear on the clothesline outside.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

thumb_up thumb_down -65

when you mouth words (but saying them out loud) when someone can't hear you

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Put toilet paper on the seat in my own house.

thumb_up thumb_down -85

Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

thumb_up thumb_down -85

as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

thumb_up thumb_down -111

Wondering who would cry at your funeral

thumb_up thumb_down +4

(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

thumb_up thumb_down -2

When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

thumb_up thumb_down -10

never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Try to use my "Brain Power" to pick up things when I am too lazy to get up and get them.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Run the shower before you get in/ move out the way of the water to let it warm up first

thumb_up thumb_down -14

if your behind glass or a window and you see a group outside, imagine their conversation.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.