when I have an itch on my hand I scratch it with my stubble

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Talk out loud so my brother can hear me because no one ever wrote that they can read your minds. And i want him to know ineed him in my life still so I randomly say things out loud to him on accident. People always look at me with hidden shock wide eyed.

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I see some one I have a crush on in the hallway and I walk towards them and brush my arm against them and be like OMG I TOUCHED HER!

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See how fast and accurate i can use the fast forward on my dvr and applaud myself when i go full speed and stop 2 seconds before the show is back on.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Whenever someone dies I try to guess who will die next so I wont be as shocked

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Getting really ticked off when Wikipedia tells you the ending of a book in the introduction. And the thing is that you don't even see it coming! Ex. My Sister's Keeper is about a family struggling with its own internal problems, especially with the oldest daughter having leukemia and the youngest is the only one who may or may not save her. *name* dies in the end. WTF?

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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I gotta get down of Friday

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Skip lines to read faster then get confused by everything for the next 10 pages.

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Try to give my download speed moral support: "You can do it! YES, just stay there!" For anyone out there struggling with slow internet.. I feel your pain

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Realizes there is less toilet paper than first thought. Hobbles across bathroom to find more. Failure. Take shower.

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Take off the ends of the banana (

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Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

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Consume skin around finger nails. Cuticle too.

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Read things from this page and think to self: "Thank God, I thought I was the only one."

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When I'm home alone, I start hearing random noises and think someone is breaking in.

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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Delete the whole password when I mess up only the one letter.

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I don't leave the toilet in a public restroom until the other person leaves, so I don't have to make awkward eye contact.

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when you've done everything you wanted to do on the internet and stop and just stare at the screen.

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Walk out of movie thinking that I would be like them some day.

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When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

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I never side with the majority (if given a choice.)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.