I lie in bed and when I get bored I try to convince myself that I'm lying at the other end

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Whenever I am in a dark room at night, and there is a window with blinds with a light shining through, I stand in front of it and pretend I am wearing a striped prison jumpsuit.

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I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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When I am surfing the web and i go to another website i see an ad that was about something i just viewed from previous website I wonder if a little man is inside my pc keeping catalog of every website that i visit.

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I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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In the summer when it's hot, I bring a fan into the bathroom when I take a crap.

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Trying not to fart when laughing is challenging.

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I feel that there is something sinister going on in government

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Whenever I fall over I always seem to think coherently throughout the fall about what can I do to make this less painful

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

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When I get the chance, I always nick a chip from my mum's or dad's dinner.

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Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

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Am I not the one who created an imaginary BAE?

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When going to the bathroom, lock it and when trying to unlock and don't succeed immediately... ITS A TRAP! I'M LOCKED IN MY OWN BATHROOM!!

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When a male dies and screams in pain in a movie, I feel normal about it. When a female does, I feel bad and want to help.

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In elementary school whenever it was supposed to be mental math I never did it mentally.

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not be afraid of hurricane sandy

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I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

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Telling yourself that starting tomorrow you will start to exercise and eat better, but never doing it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.