Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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speak proper english

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~When you turn around, somebody is already looking at you; something is probably on your face. (I know they look at you because you would look at anybody turning around, but I just hate it)

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i want to FAWK the SHYT out of that girl

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Put toilet paper on the seat in my own house.

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creating your own personal perfect partner in romance or frendship, almost like a imaginary friend (but you don't speak to them out loud)

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

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Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

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Eat a biscuit realise how nice it is and eat the whole packet

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In school trying to do a small fart because it really hurting and suddnly a earthquake happens

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spank it during my commute if I am in traffic

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I make a mental note NOT to buy the product or service if I feel they are trying to brainwash me with their ads.

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Has anyone else ever wondered why the women in shows and movies lie with the blanket covering them after apparently having sex with the other person.

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I use my mobile as a torch and keep hitting random buttons to keep it alight.

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When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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when I go shopping I go in the store, get what I need and then I leave I don't browse.

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I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

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Go to the kitchen to eat, forget what I'm doing, go back to whatever I was doing, and realizing that I'm hungry.

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Dance in the car just so the person you like will see you and be like "Aw, cute" but then they don't even see you so you stop...

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Almost every time someone tells me something sad I have to fight the urge to grin.

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While watching a movie, I hold my breath whenever there is a scene with the main character underwater just to see how long i would last in that situation.

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when you kill a bug you act like a god and yell something before you kill it

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.