Sometimes I think ''Someone somewhere in the world just got slapped'' or ''Someone just took a nasty shit''.

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Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

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really wonder why there is so much talk about pooping and farting on this site

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Lay down in bed and close my eyes and pretend that the bed is slowly levitating towards the ceiling. When I open my eyes, the bed is back on the ground.

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Whenever I see a girl, I always do the math for how good they would be for banging

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When I'm home alone at night, and the lights are on so you can't see anything out the windows, I will stop randomly and stare out the window to make anyone watching me think I know that they are there.

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When someones talking to a group of people that I'm in and says something bad that I do but think nobody else does, I stand perfectly still and don't blink and breath as quietly as possible until the next subject arrives.

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resting your head from your face to your hand and then you realize you face now looks disfigured.

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i see almost everything as a sign

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When I go to the shops I like to park my car next to a specific coloured car so I can find it afterwards.

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clean my ears with finger if they feel dirty...eat it.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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wait up to 14 days just to find the opportunity to use one, really good, joke.

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If some makes you mad you do things alot better than you would if you were not mad

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In school trying to do a small fart because it really hurting and suddnly a earthquake happens

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Stick my hand all the way to the bottom of a tub of grease.

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setting your alarm early so that when you wake up you see you still have time to sleep and you're like YES!!!

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I always have to know exactly what time it is before I go to sleep, just so I can figure out exactly how many hours of sleep I will get.

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wonder if famous singers are actually the one that sings the song, or if someone else records it in the studio and then they lip sync at concerts.

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interview yourself over some amazing accomplishment you achieved like becoming the youngest emmy winner and pretending you're really humble.

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I sit sideways on the toilet because my bony butt fits better that way.

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When I go to somewhere like France I always wittily comment to my friend " oh look at all those bloody foreigners as I have always thought they were tougher on immigrants

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sitting in your room at night and making imagineary monters or random figures out of things in your room.

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Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.